Really Rough Week…

To say that these past couple of days have been rough is a total understatement. I haven’t felt like myself, and I can’t shake this funk I am in. I don’t know if it is just a combination of a lot of little things, or what, but I know that it sucks.

My back, specifically my lower back and shoulders, have just been aching. Plus, it feels like I have a lead vest on my chest, and it won’t go away. I can’t catch up on my sleep, and always have this lingering feeling of being overwhelmed. I panic about getting daily tasks done, like making my bed and doing my laundry, and even though everyone jokes about it, I have to balance my checkbook every day. If I buy something today with my debit card, I will wake up tomorrow morning and know that there is a receipt that wasn’t accounted for, and not properly filed away. I find myself panicking and stressing about a lot of really minor things, that shouldn’t bother me.

St. Patrick’s day was kinda hard too. I was listening to the radio on my way to work, like I do every morning, and they had live bagpipers playing some traditional Irish tunes. I had to turn it off because the music reminded me of when I would go down with the girls so they could twirl in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in NYC. It made me cry.

Over the weekend, we threw a surprise birthday party for my Mom. I tried to make it as special as I could for my Mom, as I wanted her to have a really great birthday. Nif would always make birfday (that’s right, birfday) shirts for us to wear, so I made my Mom one, in the same style Nif would do.

Mom's Birfday Shirt | Coniffdence | Jacqueline DeVito

I must have used almost an entire bottle of black puffy paint, and bought rhinestones by the pound. Seriously, I bought 1 pound of rhinestones for about $15.00, and I think they will last me a lifetime.

My Mom and I started our weekly Grief Share meetings again, and this time around, I can’t bring myself to really talk. I get too choked up, and just find myself doodling in my workbook. I hope that I can be apart of the conversations again soon.

I really, really miss Niff.

 

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Rachel
    Mar 22, 2011 @ 12:51:30

    I love you, and am so blessed to call you my friend. Know that even though I’m not at the group I’m only a text, call, or Facebook message away. It will get easier…slowly but surely you WILL smile again…it took me almost 2 years…the rough days are still there but they are not as frequent. You will get there too. I promise. And until then I’ll support you in any way I can. ❤

    Reply

  2. scott
    Mar 22, 2011 @ 13:41:04

    When you’re in the middle of it like you are all you need to do is keep your nose above water – keep breathing.

    A metaphor folks out here on the left coast like: being in the ocean in a strong current. The sea water supports us if we let it. The current can cause us to forget and try to swim towards shore. Best to let the current carry you until it weakens (It won’t carry you miles away) then swim to the side and to shore.

    In group, you can get a lot our of it by just being there. Don’t add the burden of expectations of having to talk.

    Something that helps some to get a sense of control: Imagine your heart area – maybe even hold your hand over it. Then imagine your breathing going there. Just for a few moments. Do several times a day.

    This will pass.

    Reply

  3. Erica
    Mar 22, 2011 @ 14:13:18

    i don’t know why, but lately i’ve been in such a funk too jacqueline. i hope you feel better! just keep crafting and going to the spa =) i ❤ my bsb4l

    Reply

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