11 Months | 100th Post

No matter how much I beg or plead, the 17th of every months still rolls around. Today, although I’m sure I don’t need to remind you, marks the 11th month Anniversary of Jennifer’s passing. (Wow-even typing it out seems surreal.) As I sit here quietly thinking of what to say, I can feel the weight just pushing down on my shoulders, and it becoming increasingly more difficult to take a deep breath.

(Pause for coffee sips and to collect my thoughts)

I feel as though I have learned a lot these past 11 months; both meaningful things as well as the unfairness of life. You’ve heard it many, many times before but it is important to repeat: Life is not fair. I know of a few off-color quotes that best illustrates this notion, but they are best saved for another day.

Lets recap, shall we?

Positive & Meaningful Things I Have Learned:

  • It is okay to cry, and I will never apologize for me tears, and I sincerely thank the staff at Hallmark that lets me cry in your isles.
  • There are simple joys in picking flowers and putting them on our Jenn’s Bench
  • Even when I don’t want to talk to anyone, and lay in my room, my dogs away know when I’m upset, and lay extra close
  • People will never forget Niff
  • People handle their grief differently, which doesn’t make their way wrong or any less meaningful
  • It seems the random memories of Jen mean more to me than the large and obvious ones
  • I think most about Jen when I’m driving. I turn off the radio and just, think.
  • People will surprise you with their kindness and genuine concern; even helpful strangers

Negative & Upsetting Things I Have Learned:

  • Life is not fair.
  • People will disappoint you, even people you think wouldn’t.
  • People will not always understand my grief, and mistake my anger about loosing Jen as me being a you-know-what
  • Society as a whole forgets about people who are grieving the loss of a brother or sister (We are the forgotten mourners)
  • People have no loyalty
  • People say stupid things and usually don’t realize it (and for that, I understand. It just sucks when they do say it)

I know that these next 30 days are gonna be terrible, but I am not going to let it consume my life. Just as I have for the past eleven months, I am going to take it a day at a time.


It will get better.





6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. risingontheroad
    Jul 17, 2011 @ 10:22:59

    You’ve got a lot of wisdom summarised there. Thanks for sharing.


  2. Tasha Manuel
    Jul 17, 2011 @ 11:21:53

    I hope when i reach where you are I will have done so with the grace and wisdom you have shown. The past two months have been a lifetime and sometimes i feel like i will never be able to make it another month. You are an inspiration to alot of people, me included. Keep your head up and know that there are people everywhere praying for you.


    • Jacqueline DeVito
      Jul 17, 2011 @ 11:31:42

      Thank you Tasha ❤ Everyone's path is different, so please don't think you will be in the same place in nine months. I still have days where I feel like I can't face another month; I think everyone does.

      Hope you and your family are doing well ❤


  3. Mom
    Jul 17, 2011 @ 14:54:02

    You, my Jacqueline, are an amazing young woman. I’m so proud of you.


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