Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012

No, this is not going to be a post about the world ending in 2012.

Rather, it is a reflection on the ending of the first year where my sister was not alive. I know I said something about this at the end of 2010, where a woman made a comment about the first New Years without her son, but now we are approaching the end of the first year with no Niff. As of right now, I am not as upset as I was last year, and I even have plans to go out this New Years Eve. It is just crazy to think how quickly 2011 passed, and that is has been just over 16 months since Jenn’s passing (hard to even comprehend).

I’ve said it time and time before, but music always reminds me of Niff. I tried listening to Christmas music this holiday season, but some songs made me too upset (like I’ll Be Home for Christmas) so I always needed to skip over them. Christmas overall was a bit better this year, but it will never be the same again (nor do I expect it to be). I think the worst thing was opening cards that people mailed to the house, where they addressed it to my Mom, my Dad, my Brother and Myself. It is so weird to see our names in a group of four, rather than the five. The “&” symbol was in the wrong place, and I was all too aware of it. When I mailed out cards to family and family friends, I simply signed it from my family; no individual names. It was easier that way for me.

So, as we approach the new year, may everyone stay safe, and be thankful for all that they have now, and going forward.

Here is the nicest version of Auld Lang Syne:


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mother Bear
    Dec 29, 2011 @ 17:44:13

    I love u too daughter cub. You write the most beautiful things. I too hated opening the cards, that’s why I let you do it. I know you ordinarily love that job. If it bothered you you should have said so and we could have done together. I luv you berry berry much.


  2. bunzo
    Dec 30, 2011 @ 00:02:07

    I understand what you’ve been going through..
    I was also in your place when my mom and sister died 3yrs ago…
    They died together with my nephew..(it was an accident).
    I felt so damn crazy that time…I couldn’t explain the pain and sorrow in my heart..
    until now i couldn’t say that I am totally fine…(still in the process of moving on)
    I love them so much..I am the youngest in our family..
    I was just 2y/o when my father died due to cancer..
    But thanks God for giving me more strength and unstoppable faith..
    Keep strong and be happy..God is still with us…smile;)


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