It is almost impossible to fathom that Jennifer has been an angel for 18 months now. I didn’t realize exactly how many months it had been until I went on Facebook and saw some of the comments that friends left on Jen’s page. Granted, I knew it was the 17th of February (and I hated writing that date down), but I don’t torture myself anymore by counting the months.
The first year after her passing, I would be so sad and upset the days leading up to the 17th, the actual 17th of the month, and the few days after. I counted each month, until we reached that pivotal one year mark. Now, I don’t feel as if I count the months as much, but I am still not a fan of the 17th. It is an ugly number and I hate it.
Allow me to present my Grief Calendar:
Red= Very sad and upset
Yellow= Getting worried and feeling down
Green= Feeling good
If you asked me to give you a colored calendar a year ago, I can guarantee there would be a little more red, a lot more yellow and not as much green.
I think that I am getting to that point like couples do after they get married:
The first year, they celebrate each month.
After the first year, they celebrate their 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th year anniversaries.
After that, they still celebrate their anniversary, but put more emphasis on 10 years, 20 years, 25 years, 50 years, etc…
They never forget their anniversary, and still celebrate it, but there seems to be more symbolism to certain years.
Does that make sense?