I know, I know. It has been far too long since my last post, and I have no one to blame but myself. Life has been very busy, and I just have not found the time to sit down and blog. However, could not blogging be a good sign? A sign of growth, a sign that I have moved from grief to acceptance? Granted, I have my bad days here and there, but they are few and far between.
I can’t stress this enough: acceptance is not forgetting. Acceptance is understanding that your mind, your body, and yes, your soul, has changed and has learned to live without the physical presence of your loved one (how’s that for an answer?). I miss Jen with every fiber of my being, and think about her constantly; multiple times a day. However, I find myself thinking more about happy thoughts, and remembering happy memories. It took a long time to get here, but I’m glad I found my way.
A few months back, the most incredible thing happened; my amazing boy friend ask me to be his wife!
After the hugging, the crying, and all the phone calls, I had a few moments to reflect. I was going to get married without my sister by my side. That is a hard realization. My biggest worry was, “Does Nif know I am engaged?” A few weeks later, I had a very vivid dream. My Mom, Jen, and myself were all dress shopping, and Jen was helping me pick out beautiful gowns. I woke up that morning and had my answer.
About a week ago, my fiancé and I met up to drop-off the contracts with our venue. I glanced down at the contracts, and smiled at the most perfect shadow ever. I think this was Jen’s way of sending her seal of approval.
Jen will be greatly missed on my wedding day, but I plan to honor her in some special way. Just a little something to show how much she is missed on such an important day.